"There are enough people in this business to tell you 'no'. Don't be one of them."
He was quoting some professional actress from some interview, but he never remembered which one.
I've been thinking about that a lot recently.
Right now, we all have the opportunity to work together. To grow and nurture our talents together. We get to sit in a classroom and present our work, and know that we are in a safe space. Surrounded by those who are also trying to become the very best that they can be. We know that in those classrooms we can get constructive criticism and get it politely.
But once we step outside of the doors of our SUU college education, that politeness and help and everything that we're used to vanishes. The big bright world that's out there waiting for us is not quite so bright. It's going to be hard to get work, because we'll have to be top of the game. we will be surrounded by people that will say no to our talents and abilities.
So why do people have to be like that now?
There have been so many times that I just want to scream at everyone. Just scream that "I am a part of this theater department too!!" I feel like such an outsider,unwelcome and unneeded. I can't look anyone in the eye and say that I honestly believe I have real friends in this department.
My thoughts are all over the place right now, I can't take what i'm feeling and put it into words. I mean...people are friendly to me. They will talk to me now and again. During rehearsal everyone is kind and will actually come up to me and talk to me. But on campus it's like no one really knows me or wants me around really.
I came from 6 years of thinking the theatre department was supposed to be a big family, where people always had each others backs regardless of if you were best friends or not. But here? I don't feel a part of that. I can see it, I know it exists. But it's almost like...it exists around me. As if I'm standing in a glass box, and people can see me and talk to me, but I can't follow them or truly be a part of their lives because nobody wants a glass box in their way.
And I know that this isn't high school anymore, and this kind of drama shouldn't be a problem. But seriously?!? I would really like to have some true and honest friends that invite me to things. It seems like everyone goes out except for me. And I get it: I'm married. But i need friends too. I like to go out for food after rehearsal. I like to have late nights and watch movies.
It's not like I'm not trying either. For the last year and a 1/2, I have tried to make friends. I've done everything from inserting myself to conversations to following people around, to backing off and waiting for people to come talk to me...but it just doesn't seem to matter. I am so lonely inside of this department and I don't know how to handle it.
There will be enough people out there in the world to shun us and tell us no and that we aren't good enough and that we should stop doing what we love to do--why don't people understand that? NOW is the time to band together and support each other and be a strong source of learning and growth. Not tearing each other down and ignoring each other.
I get that everything is sort of a competition. I do. We're all after the same rolls and parts and experiences. But do we have to trash everyone around us in order to get there? I don't think we should have to.
In class, whenever I perform or do anything, people seem to respect what I do and like it and tell me that i'm talented and people even tell me that they want to try and do some of the things that I do. But outside the classroom no one seems to want anything to do with me.
"Always on the outside,
Always looking in.
Trying to b noticed;
and breakout from
withing
Never quite invited,
Never quite missed.
Needed on occasion
Yet easily Dismissed.
Working for my big debut,
from the shadows caused
by you.
Longing for the sun to
shine
Before you've all left
me behind."
I wrote that a few days ago when I was just super fed up with all this negativity I was feeling. And then I looked around me and noticed all the other people that get treated the same way as me. And I've tried to reach out more to them and to include others and try not to be so closed off as a lot of other people are. And it's been helpful, but I still just feel alone.
I know this doesn't really have a lot to theater, or so it seems, but the moral of my thought process is this:
In this industry we're all just trying to do what we love and do it the best we can. And I think it's time to stop isolating people and start helping each other along.
<3: CourtneyRae
Right now, we all have the opportunity to work together. To grow and nurture our talents together. We get to sit in a classroom and present our work, and know that we are in a safe space. Surrounded by those who are also trying to become the very best that they can be. We know that in those classrooms we can get constructive criticism and get it politely.
But once we step outside of the doors of our SUU college education, that politeness and help and everything that we're used to vanishes. The big bright world that's out there waiting for us is not quite so bright. It's going to be hard to get work, because we'll have to be top of the game. we will be surrounded by people that will say no to our talents and abilities.
So why do people have to be like that now?
There have been so many times that I just want to scream at everyone. Just scream that "I am a part of this theater department too!!" I feel like such an outsider,unwelcome and unneeded. I can't look anyone in the eye and say that I honestly believe I have real friends in this department.
My thoughts are all over the place right now, I can't take what i'm feeling and put it into words. I mean...people are friendly to me. They will talk to me now and again. During rehearsal everyone is kind and will actually come up to me and talk to me. But on campus it's like no one really knows me or wants me around really.
I came from 6 years of thinking the theatre department was supposed to be a big family, where people always had each others backs regardless of if you were best friends or not. But here? I don't feel a part of that. I can see it, I know it exists. But it's almost like...it exists around me. As if I'm standing in a glass box, and people can see me and talk to me, but I can't follow them or truly be a part of their lives because nobody wants a glass box in their way.
And I know that this isn't high school anymore, and this kind of drama shouldn't be a problem. But seriously?!? I would really like to have some true and honest friends that invite me to things. It seems like everyone goes out except for me. And I get it: I'm married. But i need friends too. I like to go out for food after rehearsal. I like to have late nights and watch movies.
It's not like I'm not trying either. For the last year and a 1/2, I have tried to make friends. I've done everything from inserting myself to conversations to following people around, to backing off and waiting for people to come talk to me...but it just doesn't seem to matter. I am so lonely inside of this department and I don't know how to handle it.
There will be enough people out there in the world to shun us and tell us no and that we aren't good enough and that we should stop doing what we love to do--why don't people understand that? NOW is the time to band together and support each other and be a strong source of learning and growth. Not tearing each other down and ignoring each other.
I get that everything is sort of a competition. I do. We're all after the same rolls and parts and experiences. But do we have to trash everyone around us in order to get there? I don't think we should have to.
In class, whenever I perform or do anything, people seem to respect what I do and like it and tell me that i'm talented and people even tell me that they want to try and do some of the things that I do. But outside the classroom no one seems to want anything to do with me.
"Always on the outside,
Always looking in.
Trying to b noticed;
and breakout from
withing
Never quite invited,
Never quite missed.
Needed on occasion
Yet easily Dismissed.
Working for my big debut,
from the shadows caused
by you.
Longing for the sun to
shine
Before you've all left
me behind."
I wrote that a few days ago when I was just super fed up with all this negativity I was feeling. And then I looked around me and noticed all the other people that get treated the same way as me. And I've tried to reach out more to them and to include others and try not to be so closed off as a lot of other people are. And it's been helpful, but I still just feel alone.
I know this doesn't really have a lot to theater, or so it seems, but the moral of my thought process is this:
In this industry we're all just trying to do what we love and do it the best we can. And I think it's time to stop isolating people and start helping each other along.
<3: CourtneyRae
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