Friday, February 5, 2016

The "Real" World

About a month ago, I auditioned for Tuacahn's summer stock productions (Peter Pan, Tarzan, and Hunchback of Notre Dame). It was technically my first "real world" audition (if you don't include my audition for USF internship program). 

After reading the online character break downs, I had it in my head that I was a perfect candidate to play Wendy Darling in Peter Pan. Online it said that they were going to cast an adult around my age, that she only needed to move well (bonus) and that she needed to be no taller than 5'3". Which, I'm technically 5'5" so i made sure to wear flats and did my best to dress for the character. I wore a pale pink dress and my hair was in fancy pigtails. I tried to look as young and as youthful as I possibly could. I had thought about my audition for weeks and had finally decided to sing "Astonishing" from Little Women (as apposed to "Might as Well Be Spring" from Fair Ground or whatever it's called) because it could potentially show off my voice rather well. 

My audition went pretty great. But for some unknown reason, I had it in my head that I was going to get a call back because "how could I not?". I had played Wendy before, I had experience with a fly system...I thought I had it all figured out. But I finished singing and wasn't extended a callback. 

PAUSE
Now, you have to know that I didn't ever really want to go work at Tuacahn. I'm not a huge fan of the fact that they tend to place spectacle and effects before the actual story-telling. But I really don't want to move away from Kollin for the summer and Tuacahn is one of the 3 places I could've worked that are relatively close. There's: USF, The Neil Simon Festival, and Tuacahn. It would be a great experience to work with Tuacahn, but I haven't ever been one of those "I have to work with them or I will die!" kind of people. 
PLAY

I brushed it off, thinking that they just wanted to see everyone move and dance and such before handing out callbacks but then several people were given sides right after they sang. But I kept telling myself that they just needed to see me dance first and then I would get a callback. 

Again, I don't have a clue why I thought I would. I really don't. I guess for some reason I just assumed that I would be hired right out of the gate. I don't know. 

Anyhow. 

The dance audition began and they split us up into "dancers" and "movers". I was part of the mover group. The routine was quite simple. But because it was an audition, of course I got in my own brain and made it a lot more difficult than it needed to be. So I had to work at it a lot more than I should've had to. 

I felt that I did a really good job though, when it came down to our performances. I walked away feeling good about the work I had done (even though I didn't receive a callback). The only thing: I was extremely discouraged. 

I watched the "dancers" routine in envy because I cannot dance like that to save my life. I want to be able to...I really do. I wished with all of my heart that I could just throw myself into dance with every fiber of my being and just "be good" at it. I wished my body would just be flexible and just move that way. I wished my hips weren't screwed up and I wished that I could get the MRI's I need in order to start fixing the problem...I drove home with all those thoughts swirling around in my head. 

At some point I was talking to Carly about it all and she was telling me about a conversation she had with an SUU alum that worked with them last summer and he told her that Tuacahn really just wants people who are strong dancers. And that's a little disheartening...but I guess it is what it is. 

Anyhow. 

I'm not really sure what the point of this entry is. Auditioning for Tuacahn reiterated to me that I really need to learn how to dance. Which means I really need to figure out what's wrong with my hips. So...that's good I guess. It reminded me that there is always room for improvement and that there are things I need I need to be working on and consistently improving. I just don't exactly know where to start. I guess. I don't know. 

Auditioning is scary but it doesn't really scare me. That makes just about zero sense I know. But singing in front of people doesn't really bother me...dancing in front of people bothers me...I think that's why it's scary for me. But hopefully I'll be able to throw myself into becoming more fit and healthy and flexible and a dancer just as soon as I figure out what's wrong with my hips. 

The "real world" is out there. And I'm not really ready for it. Not yet...at least I don't feel like I am. I'm used to auditioning for people who know me and know my talents. But out there? Out in the "real world"? No one knows who I am or what I can do. I only have that audition to show them. I only have a few moments and I have to give it everything I've got. Which is honestly a little scarier than I thought...

<3: CourtneyRae<3


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